Wii are Not Thrilled with Thriller

So, here's the skinny of it all (HA!).  Over the last five years or so I have put on quite a bit of weight.  Not just a few pounds here or there but I am carrying around the equivalent of another person....not full grown but rather a small to medium size child.  My partner, husband, lover, significant other.......(whatever is the politically correct term we use these days to refer to our same sex partner) has lost the equivalent of same said child.  Needless to say, I am not happy about this.  I am an extraordinarily vain human being and I do not want to be known as the "big guy" in this relationship (BTW, I HATE THAT TERM!!!  I won't call you honey or sweetie if you don't refer to me as "BIG GUY"). 

This is where I must interrupt this rant and say that I am VERY proud of Todd and am in awe of his tenacity and will power.  WHAT AN INCREDIBLE JOB!  He looks fabulous and is an inspiration to me.

Anyhoo, I have decided that it's high-time I took action (action being the key word).  I wish I could say that I am going to be able to reach my goal on dieting alone......THIS never works. I have absolutely no will power and cannot even be guilted into ending my late-night raids on the kitchen.  So, I have joined a support group, am taking a "Thriller" dance class and have added a Wii game system to my household (I actually consider this contraption a person as he let's me know on daily basis how he feels about my progress or lack there-of).  It has been an interesting journey.......Let me elaborate.

First of all, NEVER attempt to do anything on your own.  I refuse to pay someone to tell me how to lose weight.  I just gathered a group of friends together and we talk about any and all the reasons that we have for gaining or losing weight.  We even tap into some of the past causes that we may have for our current situation.  Genuis!!!!  I am not saying that this alone will ensure success.  It will not.  However it does make your world a better place to know that you are not alone.  Misery loves company and as we are social creatures, a small group of peeps that care  and are mutually interested in each other's well being is key.  If you take the time to listen and are honest, we can actually learn from each other.

I'm not overly fond of Michael Jacksons' music and when I signed up for (and paid for) this class I thought that if I moved my arms from side to side in a zombie-like fashion, all would be well.  This was not the case.  These are the actual dance moves the zombies in the video used.  I am in no way shape or form prepared to maneuver in this fashion.  After realizing I was in way over my head, I attempted to blame the instructor by saying that he should have said this was an "advanced" class.  I even went as far as to try and bad mouth him by saying he had no idea what he was doing and should be held responsible for misleading me with false advertising (I thought it was going to be a line dancing class).  After finding no support from my fellow classmates I was forced into comprehending that it was my own lack of accepting my bodies confines that may be to blame.  I assumed that I would automatically be able to pick up where I left off 25 years ago.  Hell, even 10 years ago.  I am not.  I am still taking the class but I am no longer taking it seriously.  I move when I can and do what I can. I actually break a sweat and enjoy myself.  By the way, my dance instructor is excellent and a hell of a nice guy......I was the one that was using false advertising.......I told everyone I could do this class! 

And then there's Wii.  Actually Wii Fitness Plus.  I am in awe and rather afraid of this entity that is currently a part of my morning routine.  Where I was once able to sit for a few hours,  smoke cigarettes and drink multiple cups of coffee, I am now forced into coming face to face with an individual (not really) that knows my weight and my body mass index.  He tells me when he is unhappy with my progress and that I am unbalanced ( HA! we know this). I have also been informed that I am obese (double HA!).  When I have gained weight, I am unable to move on to the next level until I have given him a reason as to why I have created such a crime.  I have even been condescendingly reprimanded for missing a day.  At one point I was even asked what I thought about Todd's progress (remember, this is all about me!).  The interesting part is that until we got this contraption, I had not moved in years.  It took a faux trainer to get me motivated and off the couch.  At times I feel silly and I am ever thankful that there is not a mirror in this room.  I am even at times hesitant to start my morning ritual until Todd is safely in another part of the house.  I feel guilty that at times I am more intimate with my Wii fitness trainer than I am with Todd or my doctor.  It has taken a machine to motivate me to do what I should have been inspired to do for myself.  Well, it's like they say, "Whatever it takes!"  And I'll take whatever is offered. 

But above and beyond everything else, I am thankful that I am moving.....moving in the right direction.  I have finally taken taken positive steps to heal what I know has been neglected.  It is not easy.  It is one of the hardest things I have ever done.  There are many days when I feel as if this pointless and not worth the effort.  But it is.  I have learned more about myself in the last few months than I ever have.  It took me awhile to get to this point and it is going to take me awhile to recoup.  I am learning to be patient.  One of my favorite sayings is "Impatient boys don't often get dessert."  I can wait........in the meantime I'll try and choose the fruit plate over ice cream. 

Let's start here.

"Blessed"



I am not a writer and I have no idea why I am doing this.  Maybe it is raining outside and I am bored.  Maybe I feel as if I have something to say.  Maybe not.  Most likely the latter.  At any rate, I am here and this is where I shall start.  I feel as if I am on a journey of sorts, a creative, mental road trip.  It may take me many places or this could be it.  We shall see :)

I am 45 years old and I am blessed man.  What does this mean exactly?  I have heard many people use this term (usually in church) and I sometimes shudder when I hear people say this. I decided that I must find out the meaning of this word so that I do not mis-use it or judge people for using it.

First of all, it has many different meanings....most of which I would NEVER use to describe myself or my life.  I am truly not "worthy of worship or made holy by religious ceremony".  I am not "consecrated or worthy of deep reverence or respect".  However, "characterized by happiness or good fortune" rang true and put a smile on my face. Actually, when or if I allow myself, these are the words that best describe my life.   

Let's break it down...................Happiness. Yeah, I'm happy.  Well, I am.  I laugh often.  And I make it a point to surround myself with people who share this passion with me.  I have had counseling and I take my medication to ensure that I am able to maintain this aspect of my life.  Never underestimate the power of a good mental tune-up and your happy pills.  It took me years to understand that feeling good is not always a natural process.  We often have to rely upon outsiders to ensure a daily smile. 

Good fortune. On a day-to-day basis I am able to do what most only dream of. I am given the opportunity to do something that I actually enjoy.  Now don't get me wrong.....it is still a job and I will never get rich from this.  NEVER. I would never recommend taking on the responsibility of owning your own business. I do remember however, what it was like to feel that I will never have the opportunity to make my life a better place.  At the end of the day I have no one to blame but myself for it not working out.  As a good friend of mine (and who also shares in this endeavor) always says "We could be working at Homedepot!"  Ain't that the truth!

Alright, let's wrap it all up. I know that I am loved.  At the end of the day, I will know that I have loved and have been loved.  I have some pretty amazing people in my life who I care very deeply about and they care very deeply about me.  Without love there is no happiness and there is no good fortune.  The only way that I am able to do anything is because I know that there will always be someone I can to turn to that will offer me what it is I need in order to make it through.  I hope and pray that I am able to be that person to someone else.  

So, for these reasons I believe I am blessed.  I am most certainly not holy or consecrated.  There will never be a church named after me and I would take pity on the person who would ever decide to worship me or anything I ever do (God forbid)!  But I am truly blessed...... I have had the good fortune to be happy and all of it is because I am loved.  I am a blessed man.